Shoulders back, drop your arm, soften your fingers, lengthen your torso, head up, feet together and most importantly relax, my instructor says, breathing out on that last word and chuckling at my awkwardness. It feels more like a ballet lesson with its graceful movements, flourishing gestures, precise foot positioning and adherence to protocol than a beginner’s class in mobility. I laugh nervously as I attempt to unwind my reluctant body into a more natural and sleek shape against the backdrop of my brand new guide dog. It’s a moment in time I thought and wished I’d never have to deal with. But here I am, wondering less about how it came to this and more about how it isn’t as earth shattering, soul destroying, dignity stealing and self-sacrificing as I’d expected. In other words, how come I’m still breathing? And why hasn’t the sky fallen in “Henny Penny” style as I’ve always predicted if this day ever came? I’d taken delivery […]
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For All The World To See
What would you do if you could see? The question is posed by a stranger on the train, a shop assistant, colleague, potential employer, acquaintance, friend, or society in general, like a spider meticulously threading its web of power and liberty around a fly, innately illustrating yet again to me just who has the upper hand in this situation. I can almost see the expectation hanging in the air between us as I take a deep breath and gather my wits about me like a protective cloak, knowing this could get ugly. Of course, I am expected to reward such obtrusive attention with a walk along the moral high ground, with its gracious answers and honey sweet nectar. Never mind the encroachment, intimacy, invasion or intrusion on my very being, let alone the offensiveness or impossible nature of the question. The fact is, everyone does disability differently. There are as many means, ways and work-arounds for people with disability as there […]
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A Cane For Every Pair Of Shoes
If I were sighted, I think I would have been a fashion designer. I have always loved fashion, be it the various colours, textures, accessories or as a means of self-expression. Most of all, I have always loved how it makes me think, feel and respond. Family legend has it that the only way I would agree to potty train as a toddler was if I could have a pair of frilly knickers in exchange. My childhood is littered with fashion landmarks such as the beautiful, intricately patterned brown cowgirl boots I received for my eighth birthday, the wide elastic black belt with the neutral coloured peplyn top I got for my twelfth, and the frayed stretch denim shorty short shorts when I was eighteen. In adulthood, I expressed my fondness for fashion via those ridiculously high, strappy stilettos I bought when I was twenty-five. Everything from the stunning red, faux crocodile skin laptop bag I had in my thirties to […]
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Vision Into Shadow
“With all due respect honey, you really should slow down,” my husband says after we nearly collide with a well-dressed gentleman in a black suit cutting across our path. I’m pushing our eighteen month old in her new trike across the concourse of our local train station. It’s a place I am very familiar with. Although recently, what little vision I have seems to be gently but painfully fading from existence. My life feels like it is slipping into shadow. I love the trike with its extendible handle and small stature. It’s so much easier for me to use than the pram as it allows me to more obviously hold my cane. I worry that sometimes the comparative largeness of the pram frame might leave the cane almost invisible, making me feel vulnerable. Not that I’m willing to admit this aloud, because what if my husband thinks I’m not coping? Will he continue to let me push those boundaries of blind […]
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